How?

Literally how? That is how did a beautiful 8 year old daughter meet her end. How could any person let alone a parent be the person to end a child's life. You are left with question after question yet do you really want the answer. Many nights are lost wondering, crying and wondering some more.

You never really know when this question will hit you or for how long it will haunt your thoughts. You do know that its always there lurking in the background waiting for its moment. It makes it hard to sleep because the nightmares and anxiety are right around the corner waiting for your weakness. You emotions cycle through grief, anger, sadness and back to anger.

Once you deal with that ugliness the mind wanders to how will you explain it to Teagan's young brothers (only 10 and 5). How do you tell them? What do you tell them? When do you tell them? I am shocked how little people think about the impact on them - her little brothers has endless curiosity around when Teagan's killer will get out of jail and whether she wants to kill him too. The reality is they ask about the specific circumstances of her death every few months - and make no mistake they have nightmares as well. Is there any context you can put around this senseless loss that limits the damage and hurt to their sweet little hearts. We have a great community and professionals who support the kids but honestly they don't have the answers to these questions - because there are no answers.

As the homicide trial draws closer I wonder will knowing the details of how Teagan's mother took her life make things better, worse or just different. I see no way it makes it any better as nothing can bring back Teags. It's a mystery what the ongoing impact of this senseless violence will be to our family and friends. What is not a mystery is how much we loved Teagan and how wrong it is that she is not here today. #RIPTeagan